Photo by Chris Ramos; apparently the ocean does wonders for his mind at 5am as well.
It's all going to work itself out, right? I suppose I should be doing Kriya rather than burying deeper into my bed today... trying to make the best of the day rather than accepting the early consensus that it would just be "one of those." But they say you are to give your 100% no matter what it is you're doing, so I'm giving my 100% to being gloomy today.
I'm forcing words because my mind has been boycotting them lately. A heart and soul's longing to create is a terrible thing when the body and mind are incapable of anything beyond the craving for ice cream and a sappy movie.
The doubts are nibbling at my mind- maybe I'm not meant for this whole college thing? Eight to three every Monday, Wednesday, Friday; Work ten to five every Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday. It's all so mundane... so planned out. Wheres the excitement? How do you fit spontaneity into your schedule?
The four blue walls I was going to miss the most when leaving home are now the last four things I'd like to see right now. Can't I just run away right now? Fly to India or the Peace Corps or even just New York? Can't I see the world yet? Why am I being held back by the one thing I despise most? Money. Always. My eighteenth birthday was supposed to grant me the wings to begin to do something with my life- to escape these walls and devote my body and soul to making a difference.. Unfortunately, it merely granted me a new set of larger walls to commute forty minutes to for four more years. Then will I be free? Or just even more in debt..?
3 comments:
I hate to say the Mom thing but it's really all I know: Wait. Be patient. It'll all happen in the right time/ And, yes, my sweet, it will all be ok. I promise.
p.s.Tell Chris I love that picture, can I have a copy?
of course! his iphone takes better pictures than my camera!
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